Preparation for a show

Lots has happened. I have been M.I.A. for the past month or so and just trying to explore this new situation that I have created for myself. Creativity has been flowing and then it grinded to a halt I think fear managed to creep in.

I think I'm back in my mode, and am working on preparing pieces for an upcoming group show at the Taboo Gallery in San Diego, California.

Just picked up a copy of Lucky Magazine with a piece published there. I am very happy to see things slowly taking an interesting course. I like the duality, the fashion foward and fashion right of my pieces, and I like the marriage to the craft world that I come from as a trained metalsmith. I would like to keep my feet in both worlds as this work progresses.

I am working still with my lines and am pursuing two things. One is this idea of the line and patience exploration. The other side a subconscious layer, the idea of change, personal experience through abstraction of my jewelry art. I am interested in beautiful forms that have movement and are appealing, but when I look at them I think about the place that I am in mentally and how that reflects through each and every piece.

This is "Grass is always greener...." and it's two rows of multiple wires that are hammered on the ends and dipped and oxidized.

I look at it and I see this vibrant time for myself and I see the parallel how we always think that the particular situation we are in is never as good as it can be. I am trying to be very present and allow myself to explore and enjoy this creative time and space that I have finally allowed myself to experience.

The second piece in work is called "Change", the two worlds that I am working on personally, the idea that we have this 3D world we live in and then we just have us. Or I have I am. And it's a tempestuous sea at the moment, it's murky and unclear, but I am trying to guide myself through it and come out with less weight on the other side. It's hard work, but I like that I can explore it visually and three-dimensionally as well as mentally.

the list

-acceptance Delaware with sales at the show
-front page for a week with sales within the month of February 2009
-acceptance by the retail places I submit my work to

-trip to CO at the end of February 2009

-trip to Ljubljana and a successful show

-sewing class

-continue with this sense of calm and contentment with everything that comes my way

Beach mornings and holiday time

These were my mornings. This one rather crowded one, but still enjoyable. Tybee in the winter time. I made sure that I was out each morning around 7am at the latest with the dog, to breathe in the air, the quiet and beautiful sunrise. I was out there in the afternoon or late mornings for a walk, just taking in as much as possible. Reflecting and being quiet was easy for that week, despite the large number of people at the house and kids getting up early in the morning. It is always easier to be around other people`s families because you can enjoy them without the history that comes with your own family.

Which brings me to my current struggle. Day 4, I am stuck in the realms of cigarette smoke, and somewhat of a lock down in the house since my family doesnt believe in outside activities. We are so different, and here is my chance to be with it and accept it and learn to let go, yet I engage in the same old pattern that seems to cause me grief and anxiety.

We never do much, we sit around, and we seldom go out to enjoy the really beautiful nature that surrounds this place. The house is in the sticks and the only thing that is wonderful around here is nature and we don`t go out. We sit and breathe in cigarette smoke and we don`t open the windows. Ah yes so much I can be sad and upset about.

In any case, we all have our struggles. And this is one of mine. As much as I feel that I have made leaps into living a more mindful life, this part of my life always fails to be in sync. Eckhart would say that this is what my practice should be about. So much more to learn...

Octopussy

Terrible name, but it came up as I struggled through technical aspects of this design. Four more weeks to go and so many things to do. Ideas are slowly solidifying but I have to make sure I keep on top of things so I don't seem all over the place.

Lines are still here, dominant, strong but are realizing themselves is so many different formats. I am so pleased. I have had numerous discussions with my fellow artists, jewelers, designers about the fear of not having ideas come anymore. When I was in Croatia, there were no ideas. I literally didn't think about anything. And once in a while a thought would creep in about how I don't have ideas how am I going to go back and work and work through to the show. I have 15 pieces done, in work or thought out, but 4 more of unrealized potential. And with each and every design I learn to let go a little more. And so they slowly come, like the octopussy idea that blurted through in one morning commute to HB. It was quick, I wasn't sure if it would stick, if it was solid and strong enough to stick, but then I am half way there through it and am embracing it.

I love moments like that because it reminds me that the artist in me is an intuitive part of me, something that cannot get pie-charted (the nickname Kev made up for me) something I have no control of and when it does show up in a 2d and 3d format it is an exciting moment in my life.

the simple life

In this life I live, I have time for everything. Sometimes it seems like it's insane what I try to cram into a day, but it is my day. Sometimes like this at 12:15am I am cross-eyed from drawing and coloring in a fashion group for a freelance job, but then again it's all worth it. I still make up my day the way I want to.

In the last couple of days I wanted to record the things inbetween the things I do. Yoga is my main other occupation but so is this need to bake here and there and take pictures whenever I can.

I had a certain issue of Bon Apetit open on the same page since May or so, with the intention of conquering the blueberry pie. Never made one, always wanted to try. This one seemed interesting because it has a lemon cream that is paired with it. Oh the cream itself is worth cooking at 11pm on a saturday night when my friends are on a prowl somewhere in Manhattan. I like these little things, even though I find myself rushing through them as though I really NEED to be somewhere else. I am learning, but the stubborn head is difficult thing to reteach.

I also looked at my fridge, the abundance of color, and food things that are so exciting. It's nice to have a full fridge. I remember days when that wasn't the case. I celebrate the fridge colors, quite organic..

Creative Thursday hits the spot yet again

As much as I am an analyzing fanatic, I have somehow begun to feel a bit more at ease without the aforementioned phenomena. I write lists (I have a checkered notebook in front of me as I typ this and it's getting in the way of the keyboard) I cross things off the lists. "Bangle", "back up files (one that is on going for a year now), eyes (kev's payment), etc..But I am allowing myself to absorb life as it comes without too many tweakings and workings. Yes the mind races and the daily reminders of, "breathe spaces" are what keep me in check most of the time, but somehow I feel lighter and more comfortable.

More than ever I feel on a very unstable ground, but more then ever before I feel more comfortable in a situation like that. What can I do about it?

I pride myself in being responsible and I think that will never leave me, so without being careless I let myself live.

I went over to Marissa's blog and found some of her yet again profound, simple and so true statements. I leave this one as a reminder for myself:

“Part of the delicate dance we learn in our life is how to find happiness in the times between the dream and the realization of that dream, a place I will call the space between. Because what you come to realize is that this is where you actually live, every day, in the space between.”

and one more:

"There are always those times where you gear up and put action and effort into the direction you are wanting to go, and the trick is recognizing the subtle difference between those times and the times when you need to let go and trust that you’ll know the next step. These are also the moments when you become a hopeful, appreciative observer of the magic of your life, especially in the space between."

Ah yes..

I also want to leave a trace of my big joy from yesterday. This is the reason I create, so I can be alone in the studio and yelp in excitement, in the simplicity but such beauty of something that came from my head and made its way into a 3d format. I am happy when this happens.

In Opatija

Ah yes,

I think i never saw myself sitting and typing on a laptop (a gift from my father that has been coming in quite handy) on a balcony, listening to kcrw.com and staring off into the sea, the Adriatic Sea. Overall in the beginning it was a tough trip, but it's becoming quite lovely as I try to completely accept certain situations.

My father is planning a show for us in October in Zagreb and I couldn't be any happier. He offers that which he can give the best, something he knows the best, business and he's proud of what I'm doing and he's wanting to help me open up on these, on my territories that i have left behind for a while. I am excited at the opportunity. I am also happy that I am finally a bit calmer. It was difficult to be ok with all that was coming my way. My emotions were running the gamut. And that was quite drainning. I got sick as a result. I finally feel better, emotionally and physically. What a treat to be here for 5 weeks, and I still have 2 more to go..

Small snapshot from the web looking in the direction of my hotel. I sit here with my little sister curled up on a chair covered in a blanket, napping from a long day. She's a small little gift. And so is my little, overwhelming at times, brother.