snippet

Kev just took a short breather outside for a smoke. Not something I approve of, but then again it's not mine to approve. He handed me a small piece of our evergreen tree we have in our yard, and said, " this looks like your earrings, deconstructed". I love that he has thoughts like that and I appreciate them.

Our lives are changing, rapidly and it's hard to see what the next thing on the horizon is, but I find a lot more beauty in him now than in recent times. Something about his honesty is endearing.

I can't really allow myself to think too much about what the next thing is because I will freak out, but in moments like this I wonder. My urge to control things is SLOWLY subsiding, but at the same time all the "pie charts" as I've been known to make are disappearing and I'm uncomfortably making myself comfortable with it. I've begun to obsess with the "steadies" but at the same time I realize that soon enough I'll have to let go of that too. And this is DEFINITELY not something I'm familiar with. In my fictional moments where my life is written out by another me, this is something I yearn for, but not in this reality. My mother always says, "you are what you dream , that is where your reality is", and there's something to be said about that, but then again I dream some impossible things.