Octopussy

Terrible name, but it came up as I struggled through technical aspects of this design. Four more weeks to go and so many things to do. Ideas are slowly solidifying but I have to make sure I keep on top of things so I don't seem all over the place.

Lines are still here, dominant, strong but are realizing themselves is so many different formats. I am so pleased. I have had numerous discussions with my fellow artists, jewelers, designers about the fear of not having ideas come anymore. When I was in Croatia, there were no ideas. I literally didn't think about anything. And once in a while a thought would creep in about how I don't have ideas how am I going to go back and work and work through to the show. I have 15 pieces done, in work or thought out, but 4 more of unrealized potential. And with each and every design I learn to let go a little more. And so they slowly come, like the octopussy idea that blurted through in one morning commute to HB. It was quick, I wasn't sure if it would stick, if it was solid and strong enough to stick, but then I am half way there through it and am embracing it.

I love moments like that because it reminds me that the artist in me is an intuitive part of me, something that cannot get pie-charted (the nickname Kev made up for me) something I have no control of and when it does show up in a 2d and 3d format it is an exciting moment in my life.

the simple life

In this life I live, I have time for everything. Sometimes it seems like it's insane what I try to cram into a day, but it is my day. Sometimes like this at 12:15am I am cross-eyed from drawing and coloring in a fashion group for a freelance job, but then again it's all worth it. I still make up my day the way I want to.

In the last couple of days I wanted to record the things inbetween the things I do. Yoga is my main other occupation but so is this need to bake here and there and take pictures whenever I can.

I had a certain issue of Bon Apetit open on the same page since May or so, with the intention of conquering the blueberry pie. Never made one, always wanted to try. This one seemed interesting because it has a lemon cream that is paired with it. Oh the cream itself is worth cooking at 11pm on a saturday night when my friends are on a prowl somewhere in Manhattan. I like these little things, even though I find myself rushing through them as though I really NEED to be somewhere else. I am learning, but the stubborn head is difficult thing to reteach.

I also looked at my fridge, the abundance of color, and food things that are so exciting. It's nice to have a full fridge. I remember days when that wasn't the case. I celebrate the fridge colors, quite organic..

Creative Thursday hits the spot yet again

As much as I am an analyzing fanatic, I have somehow begun to feel a bit more at ease without the aforementioned phenomena. I write lists (I have a checkered notebook in front of me as I typ this and it's getting in the way of the keyboard) I cross things off the lists. "Bangle", "back up files (one that is on going for a year now), eyes (kev's payment), etc..But I am allowing myself to absorb life as it comes without too many tweakings and workings. Yes the mind races and the daily reminders of, "breathe spaces" are what keep me in check most of the time, but somehow I feel lighter and more comfortable.

More than ever I feel on a very unstable ground, but more then ever before I feel more comfortable in a situation like that. What can I do about it?

I pride myself in being responsible and I think that will never leave me, so without being careless I let myself live.

I went over to Marissa's blog and found some of her yet again profound, simple and so true statements. I leave this one as a reminder for myself:

“Part of the delicate dance we learn in our life is how to find happiness in the times between the dream and the realization of that dream, a place I will call the space between. Because what you come to realize is that this is where you actually live, every day, in the space between.”

and one more:

"There are always those times where you gear up and put action and effort into the direction you are wanting to go, and the trick is recognizing the subtle difference between those times and the times when you need to let go and trust that you’ll know the next step. These are also the moments when you become a hopeful, appreciative observer of the magic of your life, especially in the space between."

Ah yes..

I also want to leave a trace of my big joy from yesterday. This is the reason I create, so I can be alone in the studio and yelp in excitement, in the simplicity but such beauty of something that came from my head and made its way into a 3d format. I am happy when this happens.

In Opatija

Ah yes,

I think i never saw myself sitting and typing on a laptop (a gift from my father that has been coming in quite handy) on a balcony, listening to kcrw.com and staring off into the sea, the Adriatic Sea. Overall in the beginning it was a tough trip, but it's becoming quite lovely as I try to completely accept certain situations.

My father is planning a show for us in October in Zagreb and I couldn't be any happier. He offers that which he can give the best, something he knows the best, business and he's proud of what I'm doing and he's wanting to help me open up on these, on my territories that i have left behind for a while. I am excited at the opportunity. I am also happy that I am finally a bit calmer. It was difficult to be ok with all that was coming my way. My emotions were running the gamut. And that was quite drainning. I got sick as a result. I finally feel better, emotionally and physically. What a treat to be here for 5 weeks, and I still have 2 more to go..

Small snapshot from the web looking in the direction of my hotel. I sit here with my little sister curled up on a chair covered in a blanket, napping from a long day. She's a small little gift. And so is my little, overwhelming at times, brother.

a 5 week off I go

I have always been the person,that when heard that someone is travelling, or taking time off, or working inconsistent schedules, to ask, "how do you do it? How can I do it?"

I had the desire to break away from my 9-5 secure existence I created for myself, but was afraid to take that step forward.

Slowly but surely, without too much thinking I have finally come to live a life that I always thought was not something I would have. That life allows flexibility and spontaneity, without being careless.

In that vein I leave for a 5 week break from my life in NYC. I have asked for 2 months off, just sent it out into the universe and when I thought about how much I can actually be gone for, I said 5 weeks and there it is.

There are no goals, but to try and put into practice some of the things I've been working on, staying in the present, being accepting of everything that comes my way. Mom said not to plan things that I will be doing when I get back. I agree. I will let that idea go.

"Mozak na pasu" they'd say in Croatia.

I leave my final and my favorite Brooklyn piece on here... I leave Brooklyn behind for 5 weeks. It is time for Mia.

PAwling

We went to Pawling or remote area outside of Pawling for a 24 hour escape.

Jefferson Hayman

Forgot to mention my art excursion from Tuesday evening. Nick, Stella and myself went to the Affordable Art Fair, at the Pavillion on 18th street.
It was an exciting night, I think we all felt incredibly happy just being . That's a rare feeling.

Art was exciting too, lots of fun and lots of as Stella called them, "little people". Paintings and photographs of large expansive colorless areas with tiny accents of tiny people in color. I really like it. Simplicity always draws me in. I thought about how we all must be feeling really small these days. Not in a negative way, but how much is within us and yet how we all feel that it's all outside of us.

And on that note, I popped into the Arcadia gallery space and saw what I would love to have on my walls. Jefferson Hayman ,love his work. I love the frames. I was perhaps a little rude (now that I think about it) asking him if the frame is of importance and the photographs are secondary. He confirmed, I hope not to only agree with me.

There was a piece, an inch by inch photograph of black and white ocean. Simple, horizon and ocean, but the frame was this thick reclaimed moulding. Oh I loved it. If I wasn't going away for 5 weeks with no guaranteed (yet I am anticipating checks in the mail for all the work out there in the world) pay I would've bought that piece. I leave only an image of a frame that is somewhat similar, but not the same as the one I love.

Years ago I made a pin, a thick silver frame without a middle. I loved that piece and ocassionally entertained the idea of making more frames without the middle. I think I stopped because I found someone who has already done it. It was a good idea..idea that around the outcome (middle) is what life is all about, the process, the day to day. The image (result) is the end and for everyone always the most important piece. I am the person who is always rushing to get to that middle, that sometimes I forget about the process and the enjoyment of the moment as it's happening. This is a reminder.

Homage to Brooklyn and et cetera

Ah yes, the times I've thought about this project and how many times it has changed. I'm notorious for making things more complicated than they need to be, but this time I exercised caution.

I made 3 out of 4 of the pieces for this small Brooklyn dedicated collection. I thought about making it more arty and slightly less accessible, but then again I wanted it to be worn. The shapes of the nails are so wonderful and I kept it simple. So far I'm pleased with the result. I even added a tiny diamond on the ring, just a little surprise. It's easy to miss it.

Kev bought flowers for me the other day. It was this wonderful bouqet of thistle flowers. He said, "If I brought this to any other girl they'd say it's disguisting, but I know you would appreciate the texture and the shapes of these flowers." I love little notes like that it makes me happy and it's wonderful sometimes how well he knows me.

Coloratus

I searched for a Latin word for color, of course it's color. So then there was "to be colored" and I liked it better-Coloratus.

I finished these last week, but they're in dire need of a legitimate photo. That is to come next week.

I've played with shapes in the "Linia" line, but this is furthering it with the color and taking away the gold. Diamond is still present and I enjoy that.

I love having a silly idea, making it and sending it out into the world.

On the other hand, I had the idea of the walnut ring as a massive bangle bracelet. When I return from my 5 week hiatus I shall make the giant piece. It will be a challenge, but one that I welcome.

Homage to Brooklyn

A lazy Sunday. I think I envisioned this one at the beginning of last week. Somehow in this new mode, I haven't the time to really relax.

Today was yoga, followed by a video on Brasil, then an attempt to make pizza dough that ended up with watery flour. We walked over to w'burg and had pizza at Fornino and then took a walk to the 8th street park. I love that park, because as Kev says it's the anti-park. Not groomed, not organized just carved from what used to be access to the East River through the shipyards. We threw rocks in the water, unsuccessfuly "skipping" and then Kev found the rusty nail.

It got me started and now I'm going to do a little small collection on the "Homage to Brooklyn" idea. I'm sure it's been done before, but I love the way these look and they'll make a fun little ensemble of jewels. I think it would sit well in "Slikar" gallery, my new visit to Sarajevo in a few months. I need to do some work for that and this will be a good way to do something that represents where I am, physically at least.

working away and collaboration thingies

Well, I finally got around to starting and finishing the bridal project I have going on for my old neighbour. It's been awhile since I've made something more sculptural like that. It involved starting from thick and ending with thin. Hammering, filing, hammering some more, filing sanding...lots of work. I think they came out quite nice.

On the other hand, I've thought again about collaboration. I sometimes read different blogs by artists whose work I like camillaengman.blogspot.com and I love to see people collaborating. This blog world that exists out there has brought together people that would've otherwise never met. I've said numerous times that there's a design network out there, these women/men who are making art and pushing each other, promoting, buying, collaborating. It's quite amazing and quite inspiring. Not to say that because I read about collaboration I feel like I should do the same, but this notion has come up numerous times before and I think it would be nice for it to come to fruition. I've done one with Staci http://stacisnider.com a few months back and it was quite fun. Perhaps there'll be another one on the horizon soon.

snippet

Kev just took a short breather outside for a smoke. Not something I approve of, but then again it's not mine to approve. He handed me a small piece of our evergreen tree we have in our yard, and said, " this looks like your earrings, deconstructed". I love that he has thoughts like that and I appreciate them.

Our lives are changing, rapidly and it's hard to see what the next thing on the horizon is, but I find a lot more beauty in him now than in recent times. Something about his honesty is endearing.

I can't really allow myself to think too much about what the next thing is because I will freak out, but in moments like this I wonder. My urge to control things is SLOWLY subsiding, but at the same time all the "pie charts" as I've been known to make are disappearing and I'm uncomfortably making myself comfortable with it. I've begun to obsess with the "steadies" but at the same time I realize that soon enough I'll have to let go of that too. And this is DEFINITELY not something I'm familiar with. In my fictional moments where my life is written out by another me, this is something I yearn for, but not in this reality. My mother always says, "you are what you dream , that is where your reality is", and there's something to be said about that, but then again I dream some impossible things.

My new days

I've just jumped into this what is next. No time off, no transition just an easy in and out, like it's always been this way.

Went out and saw Nick. Asked for a fashion sketch oriented help. He agreed, can't wait to see it, it desperately needs to complete the Ro-Mia project. That's us in his creepy elevator.

Also finally did my fold over ring. This is phase one, the one without the walnut veneer. Next up is walnut edition time. I thought this one would be less complicated, alas it doesn't seem that way. The fold over is quite difficult to maneuvre with fine thin veneer. TBC. Have other ideas that need to get into 3d format, but am now preoccupied with having the "steadies" again. New term, "steadies", prolific I'm becoming.

The New Beginnings

Today is the first day of the new chapter. I will avoid to be my usual self. The one that has all the planning, all days figured out from the get go so I can protect myself from boredom and thinking about "what if it doesn't work out".

I've been lucky enough to spend a lot of time recently turning inwards and finding ways to reconnect with myself and I think this new chapter is coming at an excellent time. I feel confident in myself and in my work that I will allow for it to just carry my on and into the unknown.

I've always yearned for that, but was a little scared of loosing the steady safe ground that I've created for myself. I guess I just got that little nudge.

I am incredibly happy to have support in my partner in crime. For a while it was a thorn in my side, he was so unenthusiastic about the idea, but now that things organically happened in this direction he is quite supportive. So Thank You!

I will use this space to organize my thoughts and as something that I can always come back to and look to as my little playlist. I am incredibly happy right now and I will impregnante my entire mind with this feeling so it carries me through everything that comes my way.

I am happy in my small space and I will grow out of it into many different directions.

ah the winter funk

I've written to myself I'm a bit funktified.

It could be winter mood swings, but sometimes it's quite hard to go through the day.

New collection is looming on the horizon, but I have issues committing to it. Excuse #1 price of gold, excuse #2 departure from the current aesthetic, although the exercise of line is still there, but it's got more dimension this time around.

Current inspiring thing...whisk...